Love Like You Were Dying

Right now in church we are doing a series on Live Like you were Dying. Yep, that's right, the Tim McGraw song. We've all heard it a thousand times. However, have you ever really heard it? Do you really know what it's saying? I hear songs on the radio station I listen to all the time and can sing most of them by heart. Every once in a while it hits me "this is the first time I've really heard this song." That was the case a couple of weeks ago when Stuart and I finally listened and heard the song "Hope Now" by Addison Road. It's not a well known song as its mainly played on the Christian radio stations. Part of the song goes like this:
Everything rides on hope now.
Everything rides on faith somehow.
When the world has broken me down, your love sets me free.

I had been hearing this song for a few weeks and then I HEARD it for the first time. I came home and told Stuart about it and of course, he had no idea what I was talking about. Then, the morning of his surgery, I came down the stairs and he had it playing on his computer. He didn't know that was the song I was talking about. I think its amazing that we both had picked that song as our theme song for the trials and tribulations that the past few weeks have brought us.

It's the same thing with "Live Like you were Dying" by Tim McGraw. I've spent a lot of time contemplating this song lately in conjunction with our latest sermon series. There's a line in the chorus that goes like this:
And I loved deeper and I spoke sweeter.

That is what this experience has done for me. Don't freak out, I'm not dying and neither is Stuart (although when you hear the "C" word, the feelings are indescribable). I have said this to numerous people over the past few weeks but now you get to hear my emotional ramblings because I need an outlet. I always knew that Stuart meant the world to me and I couldn't be without him. However, when faced with the uncertainty of the future, that love is pushed to a whole different level. All of a sudden, our relationship transformed. Stuart would tell you that I'm not the most compassionate person in the world (I told him the lump on his shoulder was from playing too many video games. I'll never live that one down). I think Stuart might have a different take on things now. I had no idea I had the ability to love as deeply as I have in the past few weeks. All of a sudden, other things in our lives didn't seem near as important as being together. The space between us on the couch in the evenings has diminished and the words "I love you" take on a whole different meaning. When I hear the phrase "to love someone so much it hurts", that now has special meaning. So, in those lyrics when it says to love deeper, we certainly have.

At first I thought the timing of this series at church was horrible. I didn't want to think about those things when faced with our situation. The timing is perfect. We all need to hear these things and think about the fact that today I have one day less on this earth than I did yesterday. So, for now, Stuart and I will continue to walk by faith (which is another great song if you've ever heard it), trying not to worry about what the future brings and enjoy the deep love for each other that God has blessed us with.

We had our follow-up with the oncologist this morning. He did recommend that Stuart do a course of radiation. So, we go on Thursday for a consultation with the radiologist and he will begin 6 weeks of radiation treatment next week. It's not our ideal situation but it's not a horrible situation either. These treatments will give Stuart the best chance for not having a recurrence. Thank you all for your continued prayers and support. We are stronger because of all of you.